Total Weirdo Leading Bracket Pool After Picking Teams She Analyzed And Predicted Would Beat The Others

HAVERFORD, PA—Expressing concerns about her odd behavior over the past few weeks, coworkers of Sheila Gottman confirmed Wednesday that the “total weirdo” was leading their office’s NCAA bracket pool after picking teams she analyzed and predicted would beat the others. “What kind of freak actually reads expert analysis…

Retiring Rob Gronkowski Admits He’ll Miss Teammates’ Blurry Faces, Fans Spinning Perpetually In The Stands

FOXBORO, MA—In an emotional speech announcing his retirement after a nine-year NFL career with the New England Patriots, Rob Gronkowski reportedly admitted Monday that he’ll miss his teammates’ blurry faces and the fans spinning perpetually in the stands. “It’s really hard to know that I’ll never again stumble off the…

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