Aging Tom Brady Decides To Conserve Energy By No Longer Returning Kicks

FOXBORO, MA—Phasing out one of the most famous and explosive parts of his game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady told reporters Thursday that he plans to protect his body this season by no longer returning kicks. “I’m not in my 20s anymore, when I could return four or five kicks a game. I just don’t have the stamina to start a drive after a 30-yard punt return without getting winded,” said Brady, who has been beloved by Patriots fans for his elusiveness, lightning-fast speed, and electrifying spin moves. “As you get older, you have to learn your body’s limits, and I just can’t juke past tacklers and sprint down the sidelines like I used to. I won’t rule out returning a few punts during the playoffs if we need a spark, but after almost 20 years as the Patriots’ return man, it’s time someone else took over.” Sources confirmed that while Brady intends to stay fresh by mostly focusing on passing, he has no plans to give up long snapping.


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