GLENDALE, AZ—Admittedly shocked to be seeing the three-time Pro Bowler in person, local 31-year-old Jason Howe expressed his astonishment Sunday after partying at the same bar with New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski just 15 minutes before the kickoff of Super Bowl XLIX. “He’s been here for three hours ordering shots for everyone in the place—I think he even showed up by himself,” said Howe, shouting over the other bar patrons’ raucous cheers as a shirtless Gronkowski pulled himself up onto the bar and began chugging a bottle of Jägermeister. “I’ve never seen anyone throw back so many drinks in a row. I think the bartenders cut him off a few minutes ago, but he doesn’t look like he’s stopping anytime soon. The guy’s a machine.” At press time, a bleary-eyed and profusely sweating Gronkowski was spotted being led out of the establishment in handcuffs and into the back of a police cruiser just as captains of the Patriots and Seahawks met at midfield for the pregame coin toss.

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