MIAMI—The owners, coaching staff, and equipment managers of the Chicago Bears continue to vehemently deny ownership of the 12 commercial-grade snowmaking machines and six fog generators that somehow appeared on the sidelines of Dolphin Stadium late Tuesday. "I have never seen these machines before, nor has the Chicago Bears organization ever needed to use such things in the course of football operations, as our home stadium is usually well-supplied with both snow and fog," barely discernible Bears head coach Lovie Smith said while standing hip-deep in a snowdrift during his Wednesday-night press conference. "The point is they're here now and we'll just have to learn to live with it—football players, journalists, and prissy indoor-team members alike." Coach Smith went on to say that he would file a formal protest with the league to remove the domed roof that mysteriously appeared on the top of Dolphin Stadium Wednesday morning.
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