VERONA, WI—Saying that there appears to be little else influencing her personality, sources close to Verona Area High School sophomore Angie Seldon confirmed Friday that 97 percent of the 16-year-old’s identity revolves around being a member of the school’s volleyball team. “It’s hard to describe Angie without bringing up volleyball—pretty much everything she says or does has something to do with playing for the varsity squad,” classmate Peter Berry told reporters, adding that when Seldon isn’t spending her weeknights playing in a volleyball match, she’s usually going to a team pasta dinner night held after practice. “All the clothes she wears usually have a volleyball logo on them or are from some tournament she played in, and I’m pretty sure the only music she listens to is from the playlist their team captains make before every big game. Honestly, if it weren’t for volleyball, I couldn’t even begin to tell you who she is as a person.” Berry went on to say that the remaining 3 percent of Seldon’s personality was clearly defined by her parents’ overbearing, unrealistic expectations of academic and athletic perfection from their daughter.

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