CINCINNATI—Promising the Alabama Crimson Tide quarterback that nothing would stop them from drafting him, the Bengals assured injury-prone Tua Tagovailoa Wednesday that he could have any of Andy Dalton’s organs. “We consider Tua to be an elite prospect, but if he has any concerns about the NFL next year, he needs to know that we are willing to sacrifice any part of Andy to make sure he stays healthy,” said Bengals personnel director Duke Tobin, listing not only Dalton’s hip bone but his kidneys and lungs as parts that are up for grabs. “I’d be lying if I said Tua’s history of injuries didn’t make us nervous, but I’m confident Andy has the healthy functional bones and organs to make this work. Ideally, we’d love for Tua to keep his arms, vision, and feet, but anything beyond that is fair game. We might even be able to arrange for a second heart if that helps.” Tobin added that Tagovailoa was welcome to anything else he might need from the rest of the team as the entire defense is scheduled to be thrown out this winter.
More from The Onion