UNIVERSITY PLACE, WA—Utterly overwhelmed by the thought of the planet’s surface containing such an unfathomable amount of the natural course obstacles, pro golfer Bubba Watson expressed both shock and fear Friday upon learning that approximately two-thirds of Earth is covered in water hazards. “It’s actually disturbing to think about water hazards making up over 70 percent of the world,” a wide-eyed Watson told reporters, noting with visible anxiety that the Pacific Ocean alone is over 60 million square miles of water hazard. “Think about it—you can look out from the edge of the rough and see nothing but a huge water hazard for thousands and thousands of miles. And some of the water hazards are so deep that no golf balls have ever even sunk all the way to the bottom. God, it’s just staggering.” Sources later confirmed that Watson was equally stunned after finding out that over 25 percent of the African continent is a single massive sand trap.

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