Cavs Fan Already Knows He Won’t Feel A Thing When Kevin Love Dies

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SHAKER HEIGHTS, OH—Confessing that the veteran power forward hasn’t made a significant impact on his life, Cleveland Cavaliers fan Andrew Stroud confirmed Thursday that he already knows he won’t feel a thing when Kevin Love dies. “I definitely won’t feel good about it, but don’t expect any loving tributes to his life and legacy,” said Stroud, referring to Love as a “supporting player” who paled in comparison to Kyrie Irving, Mark Price, or Zydrunas Ilgauskas. “The moment he retires, he’ll just be out of sight, out of mind. By the time he dies, I’m sure I’ll assume he’s been long gone. I mean, he did help us win a title, but he never really fit the roster and he had a ton of injury problems. If they put him on a mural with LeBron and Kyrie then I’d be okay with that, but he definitely doesn’t deserve his own memorial. I might like some fan art of him walking into Heaven. It won’t be this big tragedy though. Plus, I’ve always sort of assumed he doesn’t have a family.” At press time, Stroud conceded that he might cry if Love’s death negatively affected LeBron James.