OAKLAND, CA—In the midst of celebrating the team’s first NBA title Sunday after defeating the Golden State Warriors, sources confirmed that Cleveland Cavaliers players sheepishly told power forward Kevin Love that they weren’t aware of any postgame parties taking place later in the night. “I don’t think anyone’s really doing anything after this, at least as far as I know,” small forward Iman Shumpert was overheard telling Love in the Cavaliers locker room, adding that the other players will “probably just go back to the team hotel and spend time with their families.” “It’s getting kind of late, and I’m actually pretty exhausted after that game, so I’m not going out. But if I hear about something fun going on, I’ll definitely text you.” At press time, the rest of the players were reportedly pretending to pack up their gear as Love walked out of the locker room to board an otherwise empty team bus.

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