Illustration for article titled Dad Reports Old Guy Being Honored On Field Always Choked In Playoffs

PHILADELPHIA—Repeatedly pointing out that the 71-year-old former player was only good when it did not count, local dad Jim Paulson reported Sunday that the old guy being honored on the field always choked in the playoffs. “People are acting like he was some all-time great; he was decent, but he always lost steam whenever it came to securing championships,” said Paulson, 59, noting that while the honoree may have helped in a few playoff runs, he was also the reason for never making it to the Super Bowl. “I’m all for taking a moment to recognize those who came before us, and I know he was the team’s all-time sack leader, but he never showed up when it mattered. What ever happened to winning games? Plus, he always made a big deal out of celebrating after a play; we don’t need to see any of that.” Paulson added that if he was truly great he would have been tough enough to take all those hits and not be in a wheelchair today.


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