EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Saying the eye-opening experience has forever altered his worldview, Buffalo Bills defensive tackle Marcell Dareus admitted to reporters Friday that a play-action pass play by the New York Jets had totally shattered his youthful innocence. “I saw Ryan [Fitzpatrick] complete the handoff, so I immediately tackled the running back, only to find out that he didn’t even have the ball—it was all just a lie,” said Dareus, adding that watching the runner mimic carrying the ball as the quarterback dropped back to pass made him finally realize the truly terrible, deceitful things that players are capable of behind the line of scrimmage. “You go through your whole life thinking that everything is simple, that people are good, that a run play is a run play and a pass play is a pass play. But you know what? That’s not the world we live in. Seeing that really forced me to grow up—and I’ll never be the same again.” Shortly after the play, Dareus was spotted removing his helmet and walking off the field in the middle of a crucial third-and-short, muttering under his breath that there is no God.
More from The Onion