Excited Tampa Bay Residents Wish They Had An Actual City To Tear Apart

Illustration for article titled Excited Tampa Bay Residents Wish They Had An Actual City To Tear Apart

TAMPA, FL—Looking for even one place to express their jubilation over the first Buccaneers championship in nearly two decades, excited Tampa Bay residents reportedly wished Sunday that they had an actual city to tear apart in celebration. “What am I supposed to do—knock down a palm tree?” said diehard Bucs fan Greg Fulton, echoing the sentiment of dozens of Tampa natives, who despaired over the lack of any centralized or meaningful public space to destroy. “I guess I could smash in the windows of a Denny’s, but what’s the point? We don’t really have one street here where everyone congregates. I don’t want to drive all the way downtown if no one else is going to be there. Not like there’s much worth vandalizing over there to begin with.” At press time, frustrated Tampa Bay residents had resorted to flipping over their own cars.

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