BURNSVILLE, MN—Admitting that she was confused as to why a flag had been thrown during the previous play, local woman Hannah Larson confirmed Sunday that it was blatantly obvious that her boyfriend, Nick Morris, was just bullshitting his way through an explanation of the referee’s pass interference call. “At first, he said the corner was holding the other guy’s jersey, but then he started going on about how you’re not allowed to touch the receiver past the line of scrimmage until the ball is in the air,” said Larson, adding that she could immediately tell Morris was full of shit as soon as she asked him to further clarify, at which point he vaguely noted that the team was lucky not to get called for an illegal shift as well. “I pressed him on it a little bit, and he repeated verbatim what the commentator had just said about the defender not looking at the ball as he made contact with the receiver. Then he sort of trailed off and mumbled something about hands to the face. He has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about.” At press time, Morris was sitting quietly after officials had picked up the flag and announced that there was no penalty on the play.

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