Grief Psychologists Say Best Way To Cope With Death In The Family Is Dropping 50 In NBA Game

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PITTSBURGH, PA—Urging suffering individuals to take concrete action to address their lingering pain, grief psychologists from Carnegie Mellon University released a study Tuesday finding that the best way to cope with a death in the family is dropping 50 points in an NBA game. “According to our data, the first stage of healing should involve hanging from the rim after a monster dunk and releasing a primal scream,” said lead researcher Gena Kennedy, conceding that while grappling with death is challenging, going 9-10 from beyond the arc can function as a potent relief valve. “We strongly urge anyone grieving a loved one to point up to the heavens after a nailing an impossible fadeaway jumper right in a defender’s face. We’ve also found that scoring the exact age of the deceased can be cathartic—even if it means intentionally missing a free throw. Joining an NBA roster and leading them to a 30-point blowout over a division rival has proven emotional benefits.” The report concluded by recommending mourners win an NBA championship to pay tribute to the deceased.