‘Home Gym Equipment Is Still Sold Out Everywhere,’ Man Hopes

Illustration for article titled ‘Home Gym Equipment Is Still Sold Out Everywhere,’ Man Hopes

REDDING, CA—Convinced that any search would just be a futile waste of time, local man Brian Kirk speculated Tuesday that home gym equipment was still sold out everywhere. “I checked out a couple places back in June and they were out of stock, so I’m pretty sure that is still the case now,” said Kirk, content to sit back and blame his complete lack of physical activity on the fact a local Dick’s Sporting Goods had been out of free weights 10 months ago. “The resale market is pretty crazy too, I bet. I don’t want to get ripped off when I could just wait a few more months. In fact, I’m not even sure it’s legal to go running right now, and without cardio what’s the point? I’m mentally tough enough that I can hold out until 2022 before getting too desperate about exercising.” Kirk added that while grocery shopping had been considered acceptable for some time, it was still too risky to stop ordering takeout for every meal.

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