Jacksonville Couple Successfully Mates To Help Save Endangered Jaguars Fan Base

Illustration for article titled Jacksonville Couple Successfully Mates To Help Save Endangered Jaguars Fan Base

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Scoring a victory for NFL preservationists worried that these rare creatures could disappear forever, local Jacksonville couple Michael Larson, 30, and Brittany Gill, 28, successfully mated Tuesday in an attempt to help save the endangered Jaguars fan base. “This population has dwindled down to practically nothing over the last decade, so any news of potential new Jaguars fan being born is wonderful,” said local Jaguars activist Brian Hodge, who claimed that without additional breeding programs and support from the local government, the next generation may never see these beautiful fans in their black, teal, and gold coats. “Jaguars fans occupy a very small habitat along the Atlantic coast where they are in constant threat by encroaching Bucs and Falcons markets. Sadly, many young Jacksonville fans will die in boating or hunting accidents before reaching sexual maturity, but once they breed they can produce a dozen offspring, and most of those will go on to become adult Jaguars fans. So we still have hope this population will endure.” At press time, the survival of the young Jaguars fan was in question after the mother lost her job at Hobby Lobby and started talking about moving to Houston.

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