CHICAGO—With prospective players undergoing a final round of interviews and visits ahead of this week’s NFL Draft, sources revealed Wednesday that teams have been totally blown away by the ability of Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston to tell them exactly what they want to hear. “All of the GMs and coaches who talked to him were incredibly impressed after seeing Jameis so skillfully deliver the precise pandering answers they’d hoped for about maturing as a person and focusing solely on football,” said ESPN draft analyst Todd McShay, adding that the 21-year-old was “calm, composed, and totally in his element” while detailing his commitment to staying out of trouble and being a responsible team member. “He’s just such a natural at hitting every one of the generic, meaningless lines of rhetoric about personal growth, putting his past indiscretions behind him, and working hard to become the best quarterback in the league. It’s precisely what coaches were looking for.” McShay added that while Winston is still very young, there is widespread optimism around the league that he will easily transition to playing down his glaring character issues in the pros.
More from The Onion