GREEN BAY, WI—Hailing their contribution to the game as “extraordinary” and “totally underrated,” ESPN Monday Night Football commentator Jon Gruden was reportedly full of praise for every single blade of grass at Lambeau Field during tonight’s matchup between the Falcons and Packers. “Now, that’s a blade of grass right there—it’s not the biggest on the field, but it stands tall when it matters, and it’s got all the things you look for in a solid, reliable blade of grass,” Gruden said of a 1.8-inch grass stem situated near the 15-yard line, raving that each of the roughly 61 million Kentucky bluegrass reeds collectively make up “the best tandem of grass in the National Football League, no question.” “I love what I’m seeing out there—tough, no-nonsense, old-school blades of grass. People might say they just came up out of nowhere, but listen, it’s no surprise to anyone who saw how good those seedlings were looking back in September. And I’ll tell you something else, they’ve only gotten stronger since then. If I were the Packers, I would be very, very happy with where those sprouts are at right now.” Gruden went on to say that the hash mark at Lambeau Field’s 46-yard line possesses the same amazing qualities as the Los Angeles Coliseum goal line of the late 1980s.
More from The Onion