Illustration for article titled Kyrie Irving Suggests NBA Hold Games Inside Higher Plane Of Reality Beyond Limits Of Mortal Realm

NEW YORK—Warning that players need to be protected not just from coronavirus but from the corruption of modern life itself, Brooklyn Nets guard Kyrie Irving suggested Monday that the NBA keep players safe when reopening by holding games in a higher plane of reality free from the limits of the conscious, mortal realm. “I know guys are worried about playing again, but we can take care by just projecting ourselves to a dimension beyond physical existence,” said Irving, who claimed that our bodies are only exposed to weakness, sickness, and death when we unquestioningly accept the stories we are told about this reality. “The coronavirus is not real, none of this is. It is only as real as we make it. Disease does not need to exist, foul trouble does not need to exist. If we all focus our minds and transcend to the next astral realm, we could easily finish the season free on these false constraints the world imposes on us.” At press time, Irving was struggling to determine where out of bounds would be if every player’s soul existed outside of their physical form.

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