MOSCOW—Lamenting that his fitness goals would now be thrown off for the rest of the World Cup, Argentinian forward Lionel Messi was reportedly pissed off Saturday after forgetting to wear his Fitbit watch during a group stage match against Iceland. “Shit. Of course the one time I leave it in the locker room, I go out there and run, like, 10,000 steps,” said the five-time Ballon d’Or winner, adding that failing to log his activity stung even harder because he was merely 800 steps away from earning Fitbit’s “Ruby Slippers” badge, which he’d been attempting to earn throughout Argentina’s warm-up matches. “Ugh, now I’m going to have this weird dip in my activity, and my World Cup weight goal is totally going to be messed up. And I just know Sergio [Agüero] is going to rub it in my face—he was running like a mad man out there; there’s no way he didn’t beat my step record.” At press time, team sources confirmed Messi had since placed his Fitbit back on his wrist and was doing laps around Spartak Stadium to rack up extra miles.
More from The Onion