Illustration for article titled Man Ready To Believe Any Statistic About How Good Warriors Were This Season

HAMPTON, VA—Explaining that the team’s regular-season dominance made him unlikely to question any accomplishment attributed to them, local 29-year-old Jared Dwyer told reporters Thursday that he is ready to believe absolutely any statistic about how good the Golden State Warriors were this year. “At this point, you could tell me that the Warriors shot over 70 percent from three as a team, or that they outscored opponents in the second half by an average of 40 points, and I’d just take it at face value,” said Dwyer, who added that he would not question any unprecedented or otherwise seemingly impossible offensive statistics about the Warriors that he sees on an ESPN graphic or reads on a random Twitter account. “I honestly wouldn’t bat an eye at a stat that said Steph Curry hasn’t missed a three from inside 25 feet since November, or that Draymond Green out-rebounded the entire other team combined in a majority of games this season. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if I heard the Warriors have the highest-ever number of points per game against teams with a winning record. All of that’s probably true, for all I know.” Dwyer added that he is equally prepared to believe absolutely any story about how dysfunctional the Los Angeles Lakers have been this year.


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