WASHINGTON—Using a large plastic trash bag to collect the uniforms scattered around their bedroom closet, Michelle Obama reportedly spent Wednesday afternoon throwing out many of her husband’s old number 44 jerseys. “These things are just taking up space, and I’ve never seen Barack wear this Lakers jersey anyway,” said the first lady, adding that she found a rumpled pile of her husband’s personalized San Francisco Giants and University of Alabama Crimson Tide uniforms lying in the corner. “I know he likes to wear this Spurs one when he plays basketball, but the rest are just sitting here collecting dust, and his name is starting to come off the back of some of them. I’ll just drop them off at Goodwill or something.” At press time, a panicked President Obama was frantically rummaging around the closet and demanding to know what happened to his lucky Minnesota Lynx jersey.

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