BRIDGEPORT, WV—Noting that the 50-year-old was in stable condition after the grisly injury, sources confirmed Friday that veteran sportswriter Mike Florio lost three fingers on his right hand following an accident while working in the ProFootballTalk Rumor Mill. “Mike was trying to extract some new information about the injury status of Drew Brees, and his hand just wound up getting caught in the gears,” said foreman Tom Gibson, adding that emergency workers were forced to shut down the entire Rumor Mill for three hours in order to free Florio’s arm before rushing him to the hospital. “We have a pretty strict safety protocol, but the heavy steel machinery churns out gossip about players’ contract negotiations so quickly and across so many platforms that all it takes is one moment of carelessness for someone to get hurt. Mike is still a little shaken up—he almost went into shock after seeing his severed index finger get crushed inside the apparatus that breaks news on coaching changes—but honestly, he’s lucky he didn’t lose his whole hand.” Gibson confirmed that the accident was the Rumor Mill’s worst since 2011, when a spark caused a massive explosion that tragically killed 12 anonymous league sources.

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