SEATTLE—Desperate to fill his depleted receiving corps, Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren reportedly questioned every person he encountered Monday on their pass-catching ability, 40-yard dash times, and availability on Sunday afternoons. "If you've ever played wide receiver in college, high school, middle school, or even just in your backyard, come on down to Qwest Field for a tryout," Holmgren said, addressing reporters before inquiring about their hand size, vertical leap, route running, and knowledge of the West Coast offense. "You don't really need a lot of experience as long as you have a willingness to gain yards after the catch." Holmgren, who estimated that he has already interviewed over 500 possible wideouts at Seattle-area laundromats, gas stations, and coffee shops, has not ruled out suiting up himself this Sunday.
More from The Onion