NEW YORK—Celebrating his legal victory as fresh steam swirled around his bare body, a naked, dripping wet Tom Brady was absolutely thrilled with the decision to overturn his four-game suspension, the imagination of federal judge Richard Berman confirmed Thursday. “He was so excited when he first heard the news in the middle of a long, hot shower, his strong fingers slowly running down the side of his taut, soapy abs while thinking about my verdict,” noted Berman’s fantasy, adding that several droplets of water gradually trickled down Brady’s glistening chest all the way to his toned pelvic muscles, where they hung so tantalizingly just below his waist. “Look at those biceps ripple as he reaches out from the curtain to grab a towel to rub himself down with. His moist, pink tongue caresses the top row of his perfect teeth before the name ‘Judge Berman’ quietly leaves those soft, supple lips, and then he shuts his eyes and slides one finger in and out of his mouth. He’s so tired, but the case is over now. It’s time to relax, Tom. Mmm, yes.” At press time, Berman’s imagination reported that Brady had just informed his wife, Gisele, that he is leaving her.

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