WASHINGTON—Saying they were at a loss as to what could have recently made them feel any anger and distrust toward the NFL commissioner, Americans across the country confirmed Thursday that they are struggling to remember why they were at one point mad at Roger Goodell. “I can distinctly remember being outraged at Roger Goodell about something a few weeks back, but at this point, I honestly couldn’t tell you what it was,” said 36-year-old Pittsburgh resident Stephen Kreiser, who, like millions of football fans nationwide, was unable to put his finger on precisely what could have happened to cause him to question Goodell’s leadership and even go so far as to demand his resignation. “Maybe it had to do with a new rule change or something. I mean, if he had done something really terrible, it’s not like I would have just immediately forgotten it. Oh, well, I’m sure it was nothing.” Reached for comment, Goodell confirmed that it was in fact nothing.
UPDATE: Americans have now reportedly given up trying to remember the reason and are excitedly looking forward to watching Thursday night’s AFC East clash between the Jets and Patriots.