NEW YORK—The National Football League's decision to move kickoffs to the 35 yard line has football fans across the nation anticipating a 2011 season full of dramatic, tension-producing touchbacks, league sources report. "When the return man catches the football, looks up to see the coverage team has already made it across the 50-yard line, and slowly, almost reluctantly sinks to take a knee in the end zone… That may be the best play in sports," said longtime football fan David Merriman. "In fact there is nothing more boring to me than when the return man evades a few tackles, gets a key block, and sprints up the sideline towards the end zone. Touchbacks are why I watch football." In related news, the Chicago Bears have released return specialist Devin Hester, saying there were at least three people on their roster who could kneel down with the ball for $8 million less.

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