NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates. “Effective immediately, all players will be expected to adhere to our official dress code when appearing in front of a judge in all civil and criminal matters, with violators subject to fines and other penalties,” said commissioner Roger Goodell, who added that players would undergo inspections prior to entering courtrooms to ensure compliance with measures that reportedly ban all jewelry, loafers, and any pinstriped clothing. “In addition to outlining the acceptable choice of suit cuts and fabrics, we have also included a list of the league’s pre-approved suit brands that players may select for their day in court. By setting these strict and clear standards, we are helping our players set a dignified and respectful tone when attending arraignments, trials, and sentencing hearings.” At press time, the NFL had reportedly already leveled $575,000 worth of fines in the hours following the announcement of the new rules.
More from The Onion