Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the third week of the NFL season:

Winners

  • Baltimore Ravens: Appear to have won back the support of a fan base that had forsaken the team for several hours
  • Philadelphia Eagles / Washington Redskins: The teams’ bench-clearing brawl gave fans the type of mindless physical assaults they can actually get behind
  • Roger Goodell: Calmed NFL fans by creating new program encouraging players to punch responsibly

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Losers

  • Andrew Luck: The Colts quarterback was held to under 400 yards passing and five touchdowns against the Jaguars
  • Kansas City Chiefs: Sure, they won a game, but in the greater scheme of life, that is hardly indicative of true, lasting fulfillment
  • Blake Bortles: The highly touted rookie still has yet to prove he can excel in four quarters of garbage time

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