NEW YORK—Confessing that they are unable to explain the presence of the two men who always accompany the championship trophy, officials from the NHL admitted Friday that they have absolutely no idea who the guys with white gloves carrying the Stanley Cup actually are. “They just showed up after the Oilers won Game 7 of the 1987 Finals, holding the Stanley Cup as they walked onto the ice for the trophy presentation, and it was only later that we realized no one ever hired them or asked them to do that,” said league executive John Payette, who further clarified that the two men are not, and have never been, NHL employees or on the league’s payroll. “They never speak, which is a little off-putting, but they’re constantly smiling, so they seem pretty nice. Since they always show up on time with the Cup for potential championship-clinching games every year, we just let them keep doing it. But we have no idea who they are, where they came from, or why they’re doing this.” At press time, the SAP Center arena staff in San Jose confirmed that the two men were standing completely still in an equipment room with the lights off, smiling and quietly staring straight ahead as they held the Stanley Cup.

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