Illustration for article titled Olympics Officials Clearly Trying To Buy More Time With 6-Day-Long Opening Ceremony Performance

RIO DE JANEIRO—Citing the variety of long, drawn-out performances and back-to-back recitations of the Olympic oath in 30 different languages, sources confirmed Friday that Rio Olympics officials were clearly trying to buy more time with a six-day-long opening ceremony. “For those just tuning in, the pace of the Parade of Nations has significantly slowed, and the procession is entering its third lap of the stadium,” said NBC commentator Matt Lauer of the organizers’ evident attempts to stall the start of the games, which included an extended 47-minute performance of the Brazilian national anthem that nearly drowned out the din of hammering, power saws, and construction vehicles emanating from outside the stadium. “And now the samba dancers have returned to the field to reprise a routine based on Rio’s carnival festival. I believe we’ve seen this number about three or four times already, but you really have to appreciate the showmanship on display. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us on day two of the opening ceremony.” At press time, event organizers were attempting to buy more time through stretching out the fireworks display by launching one rocket every hour.


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