"MLB's measures to rid baseball of steroids have destroyed hitting and flooded the record books with no-hitters. Shameful."
"I'm just happy the Yankees lost. I would have preferred it to have been in the World Series against the Phillies, but, eh, who gives a shit? It's just baseball."
"I liked it when Cliff Lee played, because he's a guy we're all supposed to pay attention to and like now."