Onion Sports’ 2014 NFL Preview: NFC South

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With the 2014 NFL season kicking off this week, Onion Sports has in-depth analysis on each team in the NFC South.

Bucs

Strengths: Beginnings of plays whistled dead for offsides usually showed potential; Paper bags on fans’ heads somewhat mute never-ending chorus of boos

Weakness: No one from Bucs’ front office has shown up to work in nine years

Head Coach: Hiring of Lovie Smith has given plenty of belief and excitement to opposing teams

Roster: Team used draft to surround quarterback Josh McCown with diverse array of future holdouts

Strategy: Defense uses Tampa 2 scheme, in which middle linebacker and two safeties drop into zone coverage and then give up a lot of yards

Key Offseason Acquisition: New quarterback Josh McCown brings the leadership and confidence that only comes from a mediocre journeyman on tail end of his career

Player To Watch: While rarely putting up gaudy stats, punter Michael Koenen has proven to be an effective game manager

Fan Experience: Stadium’s famous pirate ship will now fire once for every yard gained by offense

Panthers

Strengths: Cam Newton finally understanding his role as the offense; Team provides fans with much-needed distraction from city of Charlotte

Weakness: Special teams far too reliant on performance of veteran long snapper J.J. Jansen

Roster: Offseason departures of receivers Steve Smith, Ted Ginn Jr., Brandon LaFell, and Domenik Hixon pave way for anyone interested in becoming a wide receiver in the NFL

Biggest Risk: Pregame drill in which teammates take turns stomping on Cam Newton’s left ankle

Team Chemistry: Remaining eight players on roster incredibly close and have strong on-field connection

Fun Fact: There are only 113 wild panthers left in the Charlotte metropolitan area

OSN Projection: Expect head coach Ron Rivera to turn the Panthers’ fortunes around for a second straight season

Falcons

Strength: Worst running game in NFL would only matter up until 2004

Weaknesses: Playoff format; Glaring flaws in defense easily identifiable by opponents and anyone who catches 30-second highlights of a Falcons game on ESPN

Biggest Advantage: Offense far better when playing in airless vacuum of Georgia Dome

Roster: Offseason has seen many players sign lucrative contracts as production assistants on Hard Knocks

OSN Stat: Steven Jackson averages 3.3 thoughts of retirement per carry

Goal: Win some games, but most importantly, conduct selves as true Falcons on and off the field

Number Of Super Bowls Falcons Would Have Won If Team Never Released Michael Vick: Three

Biggest Question: Is Mark Ryan truly an elite quarterback?

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Saints

Strengths: Rookie wideout Brandin Cooks gives Drew Brees a new weapon for inflating passing stats; Climate change will soon force all NFL teams to convert stadiums into domes

Weaknesses: Saints lack proper motivation now that they no longer can make a paltry sum of money for ruining an opposing player’s career; Lack of natural disasters in recent years has cut into team’s likability

Team Logo: Some kind of dagger or bird foot or something

Key Offseason Contract: Acquired 80 percent of Jimmy Graham’s available effort

Phrase Written On Shirts Of Grown Adults In New Orleans: “Who Dat?”

Coaching Style: Focus on establishing plausible deniability

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Onion Sports’ 2014 NFL Preview: NFC South

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