With the 2014 NFL season kicking off this week, Onion Sports has in-depth analysis on each team in the NFC South.
Bucs
Strengths: Beginnings of plays whistled dead for offsides usually showed potential; Paper bags on fans’ heads somewhat mute never-ending chorus of boos
Weakness: No one from Bucs’ front office has shown up to work in nine years
Head Coach: Hiring of Lovie Smith has given plenty of belief and excitement to opposing teams
Roster: Team used draft to surround quarterback Josh McCown with diverse array of future holdouts
Strategy: Defense uses Tampa 2 scheme, in which middle linebacker and two safeties drop into zone coverage and then give up a lot of yards
Key Offseason Acquisition: New quarterback Josh McCown brings the leadership and confidence that only comes from a mediocre journeyman on tail end of his career
Player To Watch: While rarely putting up gaudy stats, punter Michael Koenen has proven to be an effective game manager
Fan Experience: Stadium’s famous pirate ship will now fire once for every yard gained by offense
Panthers
Strengths: Cam Newton finally understanding his role as the offense; Team provides fans with much-needed distraction from city of Charlotte
Weakness: Special teams far too reliant on performance of veteran long snapper J.J. Jansen
Roster: Offseason departures of receivers Steve Smith, Ted Ginn Jr., Brandon LaFell, and Domenik Hixon pave way for anyone interested in becoming a wide receiver in the NFL
Biggest Risk: Pregame drill in which teammates take turns stomping on Cam Newton’s left ankle
Team Chemistry: Remaining eight players on roster incredibly close and have strong on-field connection
Fun Fact: There are only 113 wild panthers left in the Charlotte metropolitan area
OSN Projection: Expect head coach Ron Rivera to turn the Panthers’ fortunes around for a second straight season
Falcons
Strength: Worst running game in NFL would only matter up until 2004
Weaknesses: Playoff format; Glaring flaws in defense easily identifiable by opponents and anyone who catches 30-second highlights of a Falcons game on ESPN
Biggest Advantage: Offense far better when playing in airless vacuum of Georgia Dome
Roster: Offseason has seen many players sign lucrative contracts as production assistants on Hard Knocks
OSN Stat: Steven Jackson averages 3.3 thoughts of retirement per carry
Goal: Win some games, but most importantly, conduct selves as true Falcons on and off the field
Number Of Super Bowls Falcons Would Have Won If Team Never Released Michael Vick: Three
Biggest Question: Is Mark Ryan truly an elite quarterback?
Saints
Strengths: Rookie wideout Brandin Cooks gives Drew Brees a new weapon for inflating passing stats; Climate change will soon force all NFL teams to convert stadiums into domes
Weaknesses: Saints lack proper motivation now that they no longer can make a paltry sum of money for ruining an opposing player’s career; Lack of natural disasters in recent years has cut into team’s likability
Team Logo: Some kind of dagger or bird foot or something
Key Offseason Contract: Acquired 80 percent of Jimmy Graham’s available effort
Phrase Written On Shirts Of Grown Adults In New Orleans: “Who Dat?”
Coaching Style: Focus on establishing plausible deniability