Onion Sports’ NFL Week One Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL Week One games:

Ravens at Broncos

OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Broncos — The Broncos will win this game in a 49-27 rout of the Ravens, in which Peyton Manning will be 27-42 and throw for 462 yards, 7 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions. The Ravens will struggle behind 2 interceptions from Joe Flacco and a meek 36-yard performance from Ray Rice.

Patriots at Bills

OSN's Pick: Patriots — Expect the Patriots to jump to an early lead and then frequently add to that lead for the entire game.

Dolphins at Browns

OSN's Pick: Browns — Expect Cleveland to edge out Miami in spite of a hostile home crowd.

Seahawks at Panthers

OSN's Pick: Panthers — Real winner is the NFL for sustaining teams in the Charlotte and Seattle markets.

Bengals at Bears

OSN's Pick: Bears — Expect the Bears to open their season with a clear statement that they will get their fans’ hopes up and then crush them at the end of the season.

Vikings at Lions

OSN's Pick: Lions — A narrow Detroit victory will represent only the first volley in this season's hard-fought battle for third place in the NFC North.

Raiders at Colts

OSN's Pick: Colts — Darrius Heyward-Bey gets revenge against the team that drafted him seventh overall and gave him $23.5 million in guaranteed money.

Chiefs at Jaguars

OSN's Pick: Chiefs — Preview of what could be a classic AFC Championship match-up in seven years.

Falcons at Saints

OSN's Pick: Falcons — The Falcons will exploit the glaring holes in the Saints defense slightly more often than the Saints exploit the glaring holes in the Falcons’ defense.

Buccaneers at Jets

OSN's Pick: Buccaneers — It seems like a huge upset, but Onion Sports is going out on a limb and predicting that the Bucs’ defense will at some point find a flaw in Geno Smith’s high-octane passing game.

Titans at Steelers

OSN's Pick: Steelers — The Steelers will just barely edge out the Titans in a tight battle between two defenses, two offenses, and two special teams units.

Packers at 49ers

OSN’s Pick: Packers — The Packers are hungry to avenge last year's season-ending loss to the 49ers and by most accounts, motivation is very important in football.

Cardinals at Rams

OSN’s Pick: Rams — Daryl Richardson will run wild over a porous Arizona defense, leaving the Cardinals in an insurmountable 0-1 hole to start the season.

Giants at Cowboys

OSN's Pick: Giants or Cowboys — Onion Sports isn’t watching this game, and we don’t give a shit who wins.

Eagles at Redskins

OSN's Pick: Redskins — With a new head coach this season, the Eagles will know that the pressure is on, so expect them to completely wilt in a 30-point blowout.

Texans at Chargers

OSN’s Pick: Texans — The Texans will easily handle the Chargers while only losing several dozen players to season-ending injuries.