MIAMI—Reminding players that the procedure was the fastest, most efficient way for them to all get what they want, General Manager Chris Grier took a moment Friday to remind the Miami Dolphins once again that any incoming trade requests needed to be submitted to him via the automated email form. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you guys, we have the Google form for a reason, there is no way I can keep track of all these requests otherwise,” said Grier, reiterating that requests submitted through the form would be prioritized over dozens of emails he had received simply reading “Get me out of here,” and that in order to keep requests straight, he at least needed basic information from them such as position, contact info, and name. “We have a little bit of a submission backlog, so unfortunately, some of you might have to keep on playing with us for another month or so. Some people didn’t procrastinate until Week 2 and they deserve first priority. And guys, please don’t just tweet, “I want to be with a contender,” at a bunch of reporters hoping I’ll see it. Also, I need the specific cities you want me to look at when I’m processing your request.” At last report, Grier had been forced to send a follow-up email with a new trade request form after the first one crashed from overuse.
More from The Onion