EVERETT, WA—In an effort to comfort the weeping, hysterical child, local parents Rick and Bridget Sears assured their scared 5-year-old son Caleb that there was no such thing as Skip Bayless, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Honey, relax—I know he’s scary, but Skip Bayless is just something on TV and isn’t real,” said mother Bridget Sears while the boy’s father admonished their older son for leaving the television on FS1’s Undisputed when he knew how terrifying Bayless could seem to young children. “I’m sure your friends all told you he exists, but Skip Bayless is just a fake character created to frighten people. He’s not hiding anywhere waiting to yell at you. I promise.” At press time, Caleb’s older brother was reportedly telling the 5-year-old that if he said the TV commentator’s name three times out loud, Skip Bayless would appear and take him.

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