FOXBOROUGH, MA—Despite the severely emaciated quarterback vowing to continue his protest until his four-game suspension is overturned, members of the New England Patriots told reporters Wednesday they remain hopeful that Tom Brady will end his hunger strike in time for training camp. “While Tom is adamant that his self-starvation remains the best way to draw attention to his ongoing legal battle, we are all optimistic that he will agree to begin eating before full practices get underway,” said Patriots owner Robert Kraft, acknowledging that the lethargic and sore-covered Brady, who for the past 23 days has refused all sustenance beyond water, has lost over 40 pounds and is no longer capable of standing up under his own power. “I know he wants to keep going until his case reaches the Supreme Court, but he’s already partially blind and his hair has started to fall out, so we’re all begging him to just eat something. Tom is very determined, though, so this could very well extend into the preseason.” At press time, the NFL refused to comment on fresh allegations that they have begun restraining and force-feeding Brady through a nasal tube once a day.
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