PHILADELPHIA—Calling it a fun new way to enhance the game-day experience, the Philadelphia Phillies announced Thursday that concession stands at Citizens Bank Park will now sell plastic helmets for fans to vomit in. “We’re excited to let all Phillies fans know that, for just $12, they can throw up into an officially licensed novelty helmet modeled after the ones worn by their favorite players,” said team spokesperson Bonnie Clark, adding that the flattened crown of the 8-ounce plastic cap allows intoxicated fans to conveniently rest the helmet between their knees without spilling any vomit onto their lap. “They are dishwasher-safe, so you can always take them home, wash them out, and end up with a great souvenir from the ballgame. Of course, we also offer full-size plastic lids for those who find that the traditional miniature versions are simply not big enough for them, or for those who would rather buy a larger helmet to share with friends.” Clark added that the stadium has already corrected the shortage issues from Monday night’s game, when drunk fans were disappointed to find they could only buy styrofoam bowls to puke in after vendors ran out of the helmets during the fourth inning.

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