BALTIMORE—Scouring the video-messaging app to find the perfect birthday gift for his best friend and fellow season ticket holder, Ravens fan Dedrick Bell reportedly couldn’t believe Thursday that Ray Lewis was charging just $300 dollars on Cameo to stab people. “I know it’s a little pricey, but my buddy’s gonna flip when Ray jabs a knife into his gut,” said Bell, explaining that all of his friends would love seeing the Hall Of Famer and Ravens great doing what he did best, even if it was just for 30 seconds. “We still love the team, but that 2001 Super Bowl squad just holds a special place in our hearts, and nobody could assault with a deadly weapon like Ray Lewis. That bloody suit is still one of the most iconic memories from when we were young. It’s a lot more than what I was planning to spend, but he’s only turning 30 once, so I decided to splurge for the serrated blade, too.” At press time, Bell paid an extra $100 dollars for Lewis to frame him for his friends’ murder.
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