GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter. “Holy shit, she looks like a 5-year-old standing next to him,” 29-year-old viewer Brad Murray said as Wilfork’s massive frame absolutely towered over the reporter, who conducted the interview normally as though she wasn’t alongside someone literally three times her size. “He has to lean all the way down just to speak into her microphone. She looks like she’s about average height, too, but she’d probably die if he accidentally fell on her.” At press time, Murray felt a sudden surge of terror after imagining someone of Wilfork’s size trying to hit him as hard as he could during a football game.

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