LOUISVILLE, KY—According to a study published Friday by the University of Louisville, the majority of Arena Football League games abruptly end with the players just kind of walking off the field. “We found that arena football games frequently end in the middle of a play as the player with the ball suddenly slows to a stop, tosses the ball onto the turf, and heads to the sideline with his teammates and opposing players,” said report lead author Richard Perelman, adding that, despite no whistle or buzzer of any kind sounding in the stadium, most AFL players begin gradually exiting the field of play in the middle of the third quarter while the game clock is still running. “The winner generally ends up being whichever team has more points when the last player steps off the field. Occasionally a couple players, coaches, or referees will stick around and casually throw the ball around, but the stadium’s lights will usually turn off a few minutes into the fourth quarter and then they’ll go home as well.” Perelman went on to confirm that most ArenaBowl championship games never end up taking place, as no players, coaches, or fans show up at all.
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