‘Congratulations,’ Says Commissioner Before Walking Off Stage

HOUSTON—Quickly shaking out the contents of the cardboard box as confetti rained down around him on the midfield stage, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell dumped out the broken pieces of the Lombardi Trophy Sunday evening in front of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. “Here—congratulations on your win,” Goodell reportedly muttered before briskly walking by the celebrating Patriots and off the platform as the trophy’s sterling-silver football rolled around beside its dented and scratched stand. “What a season.” Sources confirmed that Goodell proceeded to walk directly out of NRG Stadium and was then immediately driven to George Bush Intercontinental Airport.