KANSAS CITY, MO—Sadly watching from the dugout as the lone spectator refused to abandon the game, the players of the Kansas City Royals confirmed this week that they were concerned about a fan who stuck out a three-hour rain delay. “I hope he’s okay, I mean, we appreciate the support, but it’s coming down in sheets and this game has absolutely zero playoff implications,” said third-baseman Mike Moustakas, who expressed concern that the fan had seemingly nothing better to do for an entire evening than wait for a mid-season baseball game to restart while sitting through a torrential downpour. “He’s all the way up in the 400 level—he doesn’t even have good seats. I mean, it’s the middle of the week, shouldn’t he have a family or someone to go home to? Maybe we should send up a security guard to ask if he’s okay?” At press time, the fan had gotten up to leave after being unable to endure an interminably long eighth inning.

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