Scientists Pretending To Be Interested In Kicker Offering Up Brain For Research

BOSTON—Grinning widely as they thanked him for all the breakthroughs this would surely lead to, researchers from Boston University’s CTE Center politely pretended Wednesday that they were interested in football kicker Justin Tucker’s offer to donate his brain for research. “Oh, yeah! That’s so generous of you, that will definitely help us, for sure,” said the research team, nodding and glancing at each other as the Baltimore Ravens’ kicker expressed how important it was to him to be able to contribute to their work through this gesture. “We’ve never done a kicker brain before! There’s lots to learn, so it’s going to definitely go a long way. We’ll keep in touch with you about this, yeah. 100%.” At press time, the researchers were telling Tucker he could really do some good by putting them in touch with former Raven Ray Lewis.

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