HOUSTON—In a study published Monday, several representatives from the Institute of Sports Psychology advanced the theory that Tiger Woods' recent string of poor performances may be directly tied to all the crazy shit he's gone through over the past two years. "It's always difficult to analyze somebody from a distance, but when assessing Tiger's struggles on the golf course, it's hard to attribute it to anything besides the months-long shitstorm we watched him go through," said ISP director Robert Andrews, adding that his organization is conducting additional research to further map causal relations between diminished athletic achievement and fucked-up personal shit going on. "Failing to qualify for tournaments, finishing 15 strokes off the lead in 40th place—all that can be traced to reduced confidence and concentration from all the bullshit going on in your life." When asked about the diminished performance experienced by recently retired wide receiver Randy Moss, ISP psychologists said the seven-time Pro Bowler is just "completely fucked in the head."
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