By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

↗ STRONGSIDE

  • Has yet to let down entire city of Chicago with career-defining playoff mistake
  • Able to enjoy Cubs games without alcohol
  • With a six-figure salary at age 24, might be able to safely retire one day
  • Power hitting ensures he will stick around for years after he is completely washed-up
  • Takes full responsibility for whatever curses may be affecting play
  • Plays for the good Chicago team in the good Chicago neighborhood

↙ WEAKSIDE

  • Spells name “Kris”
  • Insists on only using bats made out of rare African baobab wood
  • Struggles to drive opposite-field hits past tenth row of bleachers
  • Has yet to try any of the disgusting sandwiches named after him in various Chicago delis
  • Bats right-handed, but throws with both hands
  • Surpassed father’s achievements a little too quickly