WASHINGTON—Noting that the nation’s long wait is now at an end, sources confirmed Thursday that the Thanksgiving holiday will grant millions of Americans the rare chance to eat incredibly large amounts of food while watching football games. “This kind of day doesn’t come around too often, so I’m excited to finally be able to sit back with family and friends over some delicious food and watch football for the entire afternoon,” said 34-year-old Arnold Dawson of Henrico, VA, echoing a sentiment held by Americans across the country who have come to cherish the lone day of the year when they can simply gorge themselves on enormous meals in front of a television showing nine hours of uninterrupted NFL coverage. “I mean, when else can you curl up in your living room with second or third helpings of food and watch a 12:30 p.m. game, a 4:30 p.m. game, and then an 8:30 p.m. game? It makes me wish Thanksgiving was every week.” Reports also confirmed that, by the end of the evening, the populace will already be excitedly thinking ahead to New Year’s Day, which will afford them an equally rare opportunity to shovel food into their mouths, watch a half-dozen college football games, and eventually pass out on the couch.


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