Illustration for article titled ‘The NFL Is Deeply Concerned About Domestic Violence,’ Thinks Local Moron

FORT WAYNE, IN—Following the airing of a public service announcement Sunday expressing the NFL’s stance against domestic violence, sources confirmed that local man and total fucking moron Timothy Worley, 34, concluded that the league is deeply concerned about domestic violence. “Domestic abuse is clearly an issue the NFL not only cares about, but is also fully committed to addressing,” the dimwitted, unbelievably naïve dipshit reportedly thought after watching the 30-second commercial, noting how impressed he was that the league was willing to make such a strong statement right in the middle of the Super Bowl. “Anyone who watched that PSA can tell that the NFL is willing to go to any lengths to raise awareness about this difficult topic. The ad is just part of that effort, and I’m sure that domestic violence is something it will continue to passionately fight against in the future as well. I’m just glad the NFL is such an upstanding and socially conscious organization.” The totally gullible dumbfuck then confirmed that, based on the PSA, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell undoubtedly believes there are some things far more important than football.


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