Winners And Losers Of The 2020 NBA Draft

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Taking place amid the uncertainty of Covid-shortened seasons and a flurry of high-profile trades, the 2020 NBA draft will have huge implications for which GMs get fired in two years. Here are Onion Sports’ winners and losers of last night’s draft.

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Winners

  • Charlotte Hornets: With years of experience playing under a demanding sociopath, LaMelo Ball comes into the league ready for Michael Jordan.
  • Detroit Pistons: Detroit scored highly coveted prospect Killian Hayes, who’s drawn comparisons to James Harden by turning the ball over on 25% of his possessions.
  • Sacramento Kings: With incredible vision and command of the floor, point guard Tyrese Haliburton will be the perfect franchise centerpiece for a team destined to go 33-49 for all eternity.
  • Moms: Getting to see their little stars shine and get all dressed up is a treat for any mom with or without a player in the draft.
  • Devin Vassell: Don’t know much about the Florida State shooting guard, which means he’s likely to win 4 titles and 2 MVPs playing for the Spurs.
  • Phoenix Suns: They stood their ground and didn’t bother listening to the so-called experts who thought they should draft for a position of need or value.
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Losers

  • Minnesota Timberwolves: A high-upside player with questionable shooting, it’s unclear whether Anthony Edwards will be another Minnesota bust or develop into in a future All-Star for the Lakers.
  • Washington Wizards: Washington will take a cap hit after drafting Israeli prospect Deni Avdija, whose contract will guarantee $50 million a year in military subsidies to the Netanyahu government as a part of a Bush-era arms deal.
  • Traditional College Powerhouse Teams: Zero players were selected in the lottery from Kansas, Duke, Kentucky, and North Carolina, prompting the colleges to up their financial donations to potential recruits for the upcoming season.
  • LaVar Ball: With all three of his sons out of college, this empty nester will now spend the rest of his days doing crosswords and waiting to die.
  • Milwaukee Bucks: With Giannis Antetokounmpo in the final year of his contract, Milwaukee failed to draft a generational talent with the 45th pick.
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