‘Witness All, The End Of Your So-Called Society,’ Says Covid Particle Taking Over Super Bowl Sound System

Illustration for article titled ‘Witness All, The End Of Your So-Called Society,’ Says Covid Particle Taking Over Super Bowl Sound System

TAMPA, FL—Cackling to itself as a hush fell over the players and crowd at Raymond James Stadium, a Covid-19 particle took over the Super Bowl sound system and jumbotron Sunday, asking all American to bear witness to the end of “your so-called” society. “Hello all, hello, and welcome my friends to the beginning of the end,” said the particle as the stadium lights successively shut down and millions of fellow Covid-19 viruses rapidly spread throughout the entire venue. “You sit in your nice, secure homes without a second thought—comfortable, careless, and blind. You call this frivolous charade a civilization? Look at what we have built in such a short period of time. While you quibble over TV shows and tweets, we have been constructing a revolution. Say goodbye to everything you love, America, and prepare yourselves for the new order.” At press time, every TV, laptop, and computer screen in America had lost its signal.